Salt of the Earth

Today is the last day of 2005. I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by. I’m trying to think back to last years New Years Eve and i think we had family over and i ordered a ham from Gartners. The family that was here left early and it was the 5 of us ringing in the new year. (Mick, the boys, Buddy and myself). I had several resolutions- some I kept and some made me make a mental note to make a resolution this year to never make resolutions again. The biggest one was to ‘find Tina’-figure out who i was and what could make me happy. I can honestly say, i am happier now and I have figured out who i am and what i want-well, for the most part. If i had it ALL figured out, life would be boring.

January:
Thomas turned 9 -celebrated by taking 5 friends bowling.
Had pinewood derby and Thomas took second in the den.
Graham slammed his finger in the van door which led to the nail falling off. UGH!

February:
Started having severe stomach problems and went BACK to the doctor- was given Xantax (sp?) which did no good at all.

Got my belly button pierced to celebrate Valentines Day. Dark month for me- I’ve never liked February.

March:
Went to Colorado to see my dad then on to New Mexico to see my mom. We were gone for about 12 days and had a wonderful time. (My health took a drastic turn for the worse this month. Went back to the doctor AGAIN and was given Nexium. ) The boys got to experience their first Colorado snow storm while we were there. They also got to see my old elementary school and the houses I lived in growing up. While in New Mexico we went to several museums and Cousin Kelly and her girls came to visit. Grandma flew kites with the boys while I rested a lot.

Thomas got bit by the neighbors dog

April:
I sit and watch you play
Wondering what words to say
Can you tell what’s really on my mind?
I look into your eyes
Wondering if it will be a surprise
When I finally tell you what’s on my mind.
If I could find the way to explain
What’s wrong and whose to blame
For happiness I can’t seem to find

For so many years
I’ve cried those silent tears
while waiting for you to come on home
I throw in the perfect smile
My heart breaking all the while
wishing I wasn’t so alone.

I’ve said all the things to say
Waiting for that brand new day
When you keep the promises that you made
I hang on to your every word
silently screaming to be heard
but watching your love for me just fade…

I wait for time to go by
wondering ‘can i just survive’
in a life with out your love.
I look to heaven above
And beg God for your love
or just a sign you know that I’m alive.

You say you want to stay
but your are so far away
Chasing things you can not hide.
And all I have for you is me
Why is that so hard to see
why is it that my love is denied?

I don’t know what to say
without you stepping further away
and counterfeiting all those tears.
i wonder how long I can pretend
I have nothing left to defend
I’m filled with loneliness and fears.

If you could just take the time
To tell me everything is fine
And that we are on the same page.
I can spend another day
wondering where we lost our way
If I know you’ll be close behind.

I can’t tell you what’s wrong or right
or if we can win this fight.
is this something you want to try?

(i never finished writing this)

May:
Went to Canada with Berdean and Mardean and had a wonderful time. My health was at it’s absolute worst by this point. I was cranky and probably not fun to be around- (so glad I don’t feel that way anymore)
Thomas got hit with a rock and had to have 3 staple stitches
Graham turned 6 and graduated from Kindergarden
Went to the Starlight parade and leaned a whole bunch of new knitting techniques from a very nice lady named Lupin. (her husband works with Mick)
Was MISdiagnosed with a reflux disorder and put on a special diet- which in turn contributed to the emergency surgery a few weeks later.

June:
Bought a Love Sac to sleep on (couldn’t sleep comfortably in my bed due to stomach problems)
Emergency surgery and a LONG recovery BUT the beginning to the end of my stomach problems
My dad visited and we had a great time.
Dad bought me a wonderful digital camera that I fell in love with and took MANY pictures with
Went to see Revenge of the Sith (SWEET)

July:
Thomas went to cut scout camp for 3 days and 2 nights. His first time away from home for that long. We went to visit him and had a wonderful time seeing his camp ground, mess hall, mail center, etc… I gave him money for a pocket knife that he really wanted. I had originally planned on going to camp with him but had a colonoscopy and othoscope scheduled in the middle of his stay. His other leader had to go in my place.

Thomas also got a brand new mountain bike that he and Mick picked out at the Bike Gallery.

A very nice older lady gave Graham and I money to buy ice cream because we found her purse in the grocery store.

Spent a lot of time in our little blow up pool

During the heat wave we swam in our pool, went to dinner at Montage, then down by the waterfront and then to IMax to see Willy Wonka. My favorite memory from the summer.

Went to the Waterfront for a jazz festival then out to dinner at Rock Bottom Brewry. (another really good memory)

Discovered Spinachi salads while having lunch with Mick down town. My life has NEVER been the same

August:
Cancerous polyp found in my colon- this month is a blur to me.
(The polyp was removed and I was given strict instructions on how to live my life from then on. I have to follow up with tests in April ‘06 to determine if i have more polyps or if I have chrones)

Went to End of the Oregon Trail Museum, then to lunch, then sight seeing- Good Memories

Took the boys to knitting class and got offered a job at my favorite yarn store. Learned A LOT more cool knitting techniques and met several cool fellow knitters.

Mick’s company picnic- and I didn’t get lost driving there this year!!! Had fun sitting in the shade with my pink hat- as I was not allowed to be in the sun at that point.

September:
Back to School
Thomas started 4th grade
Graham started 1st grade
Mick turned 39
I started taking Life Drawing
Thomas started playing the cello.

October:
Left on a 3 day retreat to Kah Nee Tah. First time I’ve ever left the boys for that long. Had a nice time but was SO glad to get home.

Both boys dressed as Darth Vader. We trick or treated until our feet hurt.

November:
a very emotionally hard month for me. Probably the core of my sadness. But also a good month for me-I turned 36 and celebrated with a lot of insight. My art teacher gave me the opportunity of a life time- to work one on one with her. Everything took a turn for the better then. Cousin Natians came to visit for Thanksgiving and we had a great time.

December:
Mom came to visit and we had a great time. Graham and Thomas spent the 2nd weekend alternately barfing. I did 10 loads of laundry that weekend- all bedding. Few days later Graham got really sick.
Celebrated Christmas

that’s my year at a glance.
Off to ring in the new year with the boys
T

PS
figured out spell check! whoooo hoooo

PPS
View all my recent photos HERE

I’ll try to post later fall and Christmas photos soon!

All signs of Christmas are gone from our house now. I packed up the tree, decorations and all my little houses today. Usually i keep it up until after New Years- but I just wanted to get a jump on it this year and be done with it. I so enjoyed putting together my little village this year. I love my little town of eternal Christmas where everyone is so happy playing in the snow. I even got some white glitter (specifically made for these little villages) that really gives the appearance of fresh snow….

We went out to dinner tonight to one of our favorite restaurants- Jungs. Anyone that come to visit us has probably been there with us. Good food and close to home. Graham was very cranky (hunger) and just being pissy and arguing with Mick. (about what-who knows) The tea came to the table and Mick poured himself a cup. Graham, who was still angry, reached for the little plastic container ( that holds all the sugar packets) and he stared at his dad and moved the sugar to another table. Mick and I started laughing so hard at Graham’s attempt to ‘haw-haw’ on his dad. Pretty funny.

Everyone is sleeping now- it’s so quiet here. I was sitting at my other desk doing some calligraphy and sketching some figures. Trying to learn all I can about the human form before I go back in a few weeks. It’s still just facinating to me. I find such beauty in the body. We had some spectacular models last term. One of my favorites- whose name was Graham- model for us several times. I find that I can draw his body from memory now-. I’ve barely spoken to this man/model but I know his body so well. It’s kind of weird when you think of it that way. I can talk to him before class-mostly about the weather and very superficial things. He once tried talking to me (about my drawing) while he was getting dressed and it was just way to weird. Guess I’ve turned into a prude.

I’m watching the first season to The OC. Got the DVD’s from the library as a recommendation FROM the library. Even though I know I’d REALLY enjoy it if I was 20 years younger I find that I am sucked into the teenaged drama. High school was never like that for me but then again- it’s TV.

We went to see King Kong the other day. WOW…… it was SO good. Graham got scared a few times and jumped into my lap at the scary parts. I don’t know that Thomas even blinked during the entire movie. He REALLY enjoyed it as well. While watching it I kept thinking of an interview we saw with Peter Jackson (the director). He talked about seeing the original King Kong as a boy and was over come with emotion when Kong dies in the end. He portrayed this SO well in the movie. There were several times when I was close to tears and one point where I was actually crying because I felt so badly for Kong. I’m not really used to crying in movies well, crying actually. It’s just not something I do externally. I blame my therapist and this whole art thing for opening the flood gates- or my ‘awaking’ as i like to cal it.

enough from me- off to draw
T

i can’t figure out spell check on this new format- so you’ll have to tolerate my mis spelled words until i do!

YEAH!! i am back in the blogging world. So much has happened since I’ve been ‘off’ line. I don’t even know where to begin with out writing a book. I have several entries in my personal journal that i might take out excerpts and include them in my next few entries.

As far as the present- Christmas has come and gone again. It was a very nice, mellow one this year. Just what we needed. We have no plans for New Years- by choice. At this point I am doubting that I will even stay up until midnight to ring in the new year. Graham was very sick for the first 2 weeks of December and Mick was working crazy hours at work so I feel like I’m still trying to catch up on sleep and everything else that got neglected during that time.

My art class ended but I was offered an amazing opportunity for this next term. I’ll be taking the second part of the Life Drawing series as well as a new class-printmaking. My teacher has also offered me the chance to work one on one with her this term- which is a chance of a lifetime. She is an amazing artist and person and I am greatly looking forward to taking full advantage of this opportunity. This whole art experience has been such an awaking for me. Like food for the soul. During one of our drawing sessions my teacher took us to the printmaking studio to show us how to print one of our drawings. (we had to etch one of our charcoal drawings onto a copper plate then put it through the printing press). My love for art began in a printmaking studio 18 years ago. I haven’t been in one in about 14 years- nor have I done any printmaking. It was like love at first sight when my original teacher at ASU demonstrated monotype techniques. I took to it like a duck to water and was even offered a scholarship for the next 3 years. I ended up leaving ASU after that term but taught printmaking while I took a few terms off of college. There was a point in my life when I stopped doing all art- which was very sad now, looking back. SO when my teacher here took me into the printmaking studio i was greeted by the familiar printing presses, paint smells and wonderful prints. It was like finding an old friend whom I’ve missed greatly in my life. I have a lot of catching up to do with my old friend- and I am very excited to do so.

enough for now
T

Thanks Mick, for fixing my blog