Face Replacement
SO I finally watched the Sylvia episodes on Little House on the Prairie. When I saw her for the first time I was like- ’she didn’t look like that!” and then as i watched it I realized I had replaced her face with that of a friend of mine named Robyn. And slowly but surely as most memories do, the one that has plagued me all these years finally came back to me. During the airing of the Sylvia episodes Robyn had confided in me that someone was molesting her. She didn’t call it that but said something like “someone is doing the same to me”. I remember getting that sick feeling in my stomach and a sense of worry, i guess. She made me promise not to tell anyone and I really can’t remember if I did or not. She left school shortly after that- I believe that she was not in my 5th grade class. As soon as the molester guy on LHOP showed up I instantly got the hee-bee-gee-bees. Sent me into that full creeped out mode and i fast forwarded through all his talking parts. I still don’t know if that odd feeling I had towards the episodes was because of my friend Robyn or just because I felt very vulnerable and alone at that time in my life and was scared to death that would happen to me. I think it’s a fear that most women have- just being a woman makes us vulnerable in that sense. Perhaps I’m not the only one creeped out by this.
I’ve been getting a lot of static from my friends lately- that I’ve become a hermit. It’s not so much that I’ve hidden away- I just don’t feel social anymore. When I’m in a social environment I’m all good. But I don’t really choose to put myself in those settings anymore. I’m so content with myself now (my shrink would be happy to read this) and I don’t really feel I have that void. I think somewhere in the last couple years I’ve become very disillusioned and disappointed with people. I’m happiest with my family or in a one-on-one setting- like out to lunch with a very good friend- or IM-ing with a friend. I go days now, without talking on the phone. That’s VERY odd for me. But I’m really ok with it. I still enjoy my friends I just don’t depend on them for happiness anymore. I think that’s a good thing. Most of them understand this too. Like I’ve mentioned before my tolerance has lessened as well. Perhaps I am on that road to being an old crotchety, cat lady! ha ha ha Oh well, call it fate!
I’m going to bed
T