Salt of the Earth

Yesterday was a great day. The weather was almost perfect and everyone was in a good mood. The reception went really well- they had it catered with pizza (from my favorite place) and soda and cookies. Most of the artists showed up to enjoy the celebration. I took pictures of a few of my friends but mostly just enjoyed the show. I sometimes find myself feeling guilty if something is focused on me- but yesterday I did not. I am proud of my accomplishments. As I was writing my artist statement I was reflecting on the last year of my life. A year ago, I was sick and never imagined that my life would have taken this kind of turn in so little time. Even in the fall when I signed up for my first life drawing class- I never anticipated that I’d be in an art show, in the school paper, and my prints would be put up in the library. It’s still a little strange to hear myself being referred to as an ‘artist’ because I feel I have so far to go. In any case, I’m enjoying the road along the way.

The kids had a music program last night. Thomas played his cello with the orchestra and Graham sang a bunch of patriotic songs with the first and second graders. Thomas had to wear black and white- so after ping pong, i had to run to Kohl’s to look for a black button up shirt. I found one I liked- and Thomas was fine with it. I didn’t think to look for pants because I knew he had some dressy ones in his drawer. Yeah, that was a bad assumption on my part- cause they were from 2 years ago and didn’t fit in any way shape or form. So he wore jeans. ANYWAY, when I saw him walk out in his black shirt- cello in hand- I immediately started to tear up. I guess that’s the feeling of being proud. When he started playing I fought back tears the whole time. (sap, sap, sap, sap) It was so sweet. Graham got to wear his cub scout uniform and ‘bring in the flag’. I was equally proud of him-but I spent most of his program chuckling because he’s a goof ball and he kept making faces at me and waving. Although the whole program was a little long I enjoyed it. I always do.

Boys are home today from school. I have to take them to school with me today- i need to pull a print and get it done so I can start my last project. I am very happy with this print- and one of the other students has already ‘reserved’ one when I am finished. She wants to give it to her sister for her birthday. She offered to give me money- but that seems strange. So I suggested we trade prints. I’m good with that.

off to get my kids dressed so we can head out. I’ll take them to the art show first- Graham wants to see ‘his print’ on the wall.

T

Few updates in the life of Tina…..

First of all ALL three prints are in the art show now. I saw them yesterday and once again I was in awe, teary eyed and just warm and fuzzy inside. Tomorrow is the reception. My little art friends will be there. I’m taking my camera.

Secondly, my painting teacher told me today that she REALLY liked all 3 of my prints and wants them so that she can put them up in the school library. I told her I’d have to make her another dragon one, because the one in the show belongs to my Graham. She was fine with that- it’s a print and I have 3 more.

Thirdly, The Advocate is NOT the gay and lesbian paper. it’s the school newspaper that is published every other Friday. So it will be exciting to see if I made the ‘cut’ this Friday.

Lastly, my war/clumsy wounds are slowly healing. My arm and knuckle are the worst today- but only when i do certain things. Lifting things and pouring things hurt my arm the most. My knuckle is turning bluish. It hurts to be touched but other than that it’s ok. I discovered a cure for anemia…. Dr. Pepper. Well, it works for the fatigue I’ve been feeling. I am not a caffeine drinker so the little boost has helped me the last two days. I think that the anemia is getting better though. I don’t feel quite so bad.

I finished my first acrylic painting today-that wasn’t a ’study’. I went WAY out of my comfort zone on this one…. It’s 26 x 36. The background is a greenish- with big, thick brush strokes of different colors. Off center is a big red square, with a long piece of multicolored canvas next to it. Then a white, blue naked female figure in the middle, tilted to the left. I got all Jackson Pollock on it and splattered paint all over it. I am trying to decide on a name. It was an expressionistic painting and the whole time I was doing it I kept wishing i could paint differently. But in the end I was very happy with it. I am thinking of calling it “I always wished I was a blonde”. The reason being- when I was younger i always wanted blonde hair because it just seemed so mainstream. I tried lightening it with Sun In and it turned orange. Blonde hair was just plain- and blended in and that’s what I wanted. So like my painting, I always wished I could do something differently, but in the end I’m very happy with just being me. i think i got over my ‘blonde’ thing by the time I was 13.

Homework time.
T

i was so clumsy today…. and I’m suffering the wounds for it. I pulled a muscle in my arm today which makes it hard to carry things. I bonked my head on the big press today, i cracked and cut open my knuckle on the little press, i tripped UP the stairs on the way to lunch and stumbled on the last two coming down. I got ink all over my pink shirt on my left boob, dropped a fully inked copper plate into my lap (i had on an apron). I leaned into my yellow ink which left a HUGE stripe across my tummy…. sigh… can this day just be over?

My life drawing teacher was sick today so we didn’t have drawing which means i had the entire day to print. it was awesome. I got the background done for my next print. I think it will be nice. I have 3 printing projects to complete before the end of the term.

I’ve been side tracked for the last couple days. There is a lot going through my mind. I’m trying to figure something out in my head that just isn’t figuring. I don’t know how to ‘process’ it…. I don’t know how to trust it. All i know is that it has created a lot of sadness for me for many years- and it shouldn’t. It should make me happy. It makes other people happy. Why can’t I have that happiness? Why do I get hurt by it- then have to ‘get over’ it? Can’t it just be hurt free and enjoyable? sigh……

Oh I almost forgot- I’m going to be in the school newspaper on Friday. At least I think it’s the school newspaper. Some girl from THe Advocate interviewed and took pictures of me today for the student art show. The piece will be on 3 artists. When I told Mick he searched for The Advocate and it said it was a gay/lesbian/bisexual/just out paper. Oh well, I’m not picky on fame. So what if the girls on campus start buying me lunch and checking out my package. Could be MUCH worse!

Gotta take care of Thomas wart
T

Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful moms out there.

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. I LOVE being a mom- more than anything in this world. I love almost everything about it (the fighting I can do without ) . I am so very blessed to be a mom- not everyone gets that opportunity. I am thankful every single day that I have my children.

Mother’s Day as a child was so sweet- my dad would get very excited days before and he would take my sister and I out to get little gifts for my mom. One year he bought her a pair of purply, heels that she had seen but didn’t get for herself. He was good about stuff like that. I LOVED those shoes and spent many hours in my moms closet putting them on and trying to walk around in them. I don’t know that my mom ever wore them- aside to church on that Mother’s Day. They were some fine shoes those purply heels. I remember a few times we made breakfast in bed for my mom. Cereal I think. Dad used to take us to the Pueblo mall and let us pick something out for mom- usually a little trinket. He’d get jewelry sometimes. Even after they split up I remember going to the mall and picking out a little ceramic jewelry box for mom- I’m sure I liked it more than she did as it was something that would catch a child’s eye. Those gifts I find, are very precious. I think i was spoiled as a child because i believed that all dad’s did that for mom’s on Mother’s Day.

I didn’t realize until Saturday what the date was- May 13th- Isamu’s birthday- which also means few days past the anniversary of Kim’s death. I just wasn’t even aware of the date- it’s all been such a blur to me lately. I’m thankful that I didn’t remember a head of time because I find the anticipation of the day very hard. Funny now that I think about it- a few weeks ago I had several dreams of Isamu- good dreams of him laughing. I didn’t make the connection until now. white butterflies (moths) are back and fluttering around the yard again. Now that I sit here thinking about it it makes me sad. I’m glad the days passed and I wasn’t sad. Doesn’t mean i think of them any less- just in a different way now.

Well, off to fold laundry, make lunches and clean up the kitchen.
T

i just went back and read my previous entry from a few hours ago…. ugh it’s full of drama- the stuff I hate. i read the blog of a friend of mine- someone I respect. She’s facing a tough time in her life now- making a decision and trying to live with it without being judged. I think she’s awesome. I think she’s strong. I think she’s doing the right thing. THOSE are things to think about- not trivial shit.

I’m tired

T

Today was one of those days i call shit days- where a bunch of shit happens- people dump their shit into your life and it’s all around just shitty. It actually started yesterday in my painting class. This girl -the braggadocios one- was joking and said something about the background color of my new painting. I laughed and thought nothing of it. Two of the other students were offended by it (her comment) and talked to the teacher about it. The teacher pulled me aside to see what sort of disciplinary action i wanted to have done about the situation- and I was stunned. I didn’t want any disciplinary action taken because it wasn’t an issue for me. I told her i didn’t think anything of it- and that since the comment was said to me I’d take care of it. So I talked to the girl- and she got all dramatic and stupid and I just ignored her- and then she apologized. I thought all was forgotten. The girl found me today and showed me 3 pages that she’d doodled in her class- all having to do with this subject and how she had to walk on eggshells and all this drama crap. I told her to get over it- it was no big deal it wasn’t even MY deal…. (I hate drama and i feel stupid even blogging this). So today i was admiring all the art in the art show and two of my teachers came up to me and said they were upset that my prints didn’t make it in the show. I said i was fine with it- at least I still had one and that was good enough for me. So as I’m walking out the receptionist talks to me and says the same thing and she was going to talk to the other teachers about. So all the teachers get together and have a huge pow wow about the art show and the art work left out. (ONCE AGAIN, NOT MY COMPLIANT) It turned into a HUGE ordeal of people arguing with people and i just stood there feeling stupid not saying anything because i was at a loss for words. So I snuck out. THEN I went to printmaking and my teacher was in a nasty ass cranky mood. We were supposed to go over my prints today- I had them ALL ready to go with my artist statement and all. He said something about not having time cause he DID have to get ready for class…. I reminded him that we set up a time last week to go over this today- and he just said it would have to wait. sigh….. what a frustrating day

i hate getting caught up in the middle of drama especially when I haven’t instigated it or participated in it. One time I asked Mick what he’d do in a particular situation and he said he’d never get himself into that situation in the first place… he said “it would be like asking me what I’d do if I got arrested in a whorehouse in Russia”…. his point being- he wouldn’t be there in the first place. So how is it, that I keep getting caught in the whore house? I hate drama and people that thrive in drama. I avoid confrontation and gossipy crap. As far as I know, I’m staying clear of the whore house- but apparently they have found the key under the mat and are letting themselves in because I can’t seem to escape them. ….. crazy shit

Chris is gone from American Idol. I for one, am not sad. I did not like him. He screamed all the time and gave me a headache the way my kids do when they fight.

I’m going to make a cup of tea and change the locks
T

Got my midterm back from my painting class- it consisted of several art assignments and things like that. Out of 350 points I got 350! YEAH BABY!!! Only one in the class too. That made me so happy.

The curator of the student art show decided he only wanted 30 pieces in the art show- as opposed to the 100 that were originally judged and selected. Two of my prints got cut- but my Still Jammin made it in. There are a total of 5 prints in the entire show. I’m disappointed by this- not that my work isn’t in there but that the curator is a drawing teacher and the show is filled with mostly drawings from his students. Yes, several people are upset about this. I however, am thrilled to still have one piece put in. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I had yesterday when I walked into the gallery and saw my piece hanging on the wall….. I was overwhelmed with a wonderful feeling- the kind that brings tears to your eyes but doesn’t make you sad. Kind of that ‘i finally did it’ feeling.

Ok, off to class now to draw who whos and ding dings
T

So the Sears repair guy came today- to fix the dryer. $215 later- he fixed it and informed me that the warranty had run out. I was not happy. Mick and I are going to call Sears and ‘request’ that they remedy the situation because we’ve only owned the dryer for 16 months. GRRRRRR Mick is much calmer in situations like this. Originally he asked me to contact Sears and handle it- but after several times of him telling me- ‘you can’t say that” or “no don’t threaten them with that” and “you are going about this at the wrong angle” I suggested maybe he should handle the phone call. I have no patience for things like this. It falls in that same category as car problems.

I am starting a new woodcut. It’s a tree- and I’ll do multiple colors in the back ground. I’m really excited to do this one. I hope it turns out ok. Will be good to start carving again. We painted a one class painting on expressionism on Monday. We used impasto which made me think of Van Gogh’s work. I have his Irises hanging in my bedroom. That painting is what inspired me to start painting 18 years ago. I saw it when I was in Amsterdam. I saw a lot of his work then. I also saw the Mona Lisa when I was in Paris. Much smaller than it’s look on tv. And David…. ah the David. Breath taking in real life. I can not wait to take the boys to Europe. Maybe for Thomas’ high school graduation. I miss England from time to time. It was a good home to me for many years. Not so much London- that was fun, but the countryside there is gorgeous! If I ever win the lottery I think I’ll retire there. I dig that whole cobblestone street thing and tea time and little cute inexpensive inns. Yeah, i wanna go back. I don’t know if I fully appreciated all the cool places I got to go to and all the things I got to see- but I sure would now. Greece and Portugal were my favorite places. The beaches there were GORGEOUS!!!! In Greece you could get a huge bottle of beer and Suvlaki for two American dollars. Spain was beautiful as well- my most vivid memory of Barcelona is a night club and 5 white Russians…. ugh…. So I’ll have to go back there someday to see the sights with clear eyes. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I went back and painted all of these wonderful places- ah that would be nice.

ok, enough rambling. Thomas has spelling words and Graham has homework.
T

in the middle of doing laundry today- my relatively new dryer stopped heating up. I pulled it out, got behind it and did a little maintenance check…. thought I fixed it- was wrong. Did a couple other things and nothing worked. So I put my last few loads in the wash and looked around the house for quarters. While I was waiting for the last load to finish i called Sears to schedule a repair guy to come and look at/fix the dryer. Nothing until Tuesday between 8am and 12pm. Lovely. There goes my morning. So I loaded up all the wet clothes, saw my husband sleeping on the couch and thought to myself how I’d much rather be doing that then carting laundry off to a laundromat. Unfortunately, i haven’t been able to devise a plan that would allow my clothes to wash them selves AND since we don’ live in a nudist colony I had to suck it up and go to the laundromat. I don’t particularly care for laundromats. This one was remarkably clean- and there was only one scary woman in there that resembled a crack whore. I found myself feeding the dryer quarters (1 quarter=8 minutes) and eaves dropping on all the other peoples conversations. One guy was bragging about his new cell phone- one of those side kicks. i couldn’t help to think- why didn’t you buy a washer and dryer instead… none of my business. Another guy was in there helping his mom. He was older- maybe 30 ish and he was so kind to her. Carried her laundry, helped her fold it and kept asking if she wanted anything… Another guy talked in Spanish the entire time on his cell phone- but it was too fast and i couldn’t translate it quick enough to get the low down on his business. 10 quarters later, my laundry was dry and I folded it up and headed home. Those big dryers sure do dry fast.

I’m hopeful that my energy will return this week or next. The school year is winding down for all of us. The reception for the art show is the 18th. I’m very excited for that.

need to go put away the laundry now!
T

I had the craziest dreams last night/ this morning…… One of them my sister and I were in Saudi Arabia and we were trying to leave- our plane left at 1:30pm but we didn’t realize this until about an hour prior. So we were throwing stuff in suitcases and trying to hail a cab to get us to the airport. I just kept saying- ‘we are going to miss our flight’ and we were in a total panic. My mom wasn’t home and we wanted to say good bye to her but we also knew we HAD to be on this flight. The janitor from my boys school (in real life) was there and he gave me some cake and got a cab for us. The strangest part was that every time I looked at the clock it was 10 minutes later- even though only seconds had passed. Then this morning i dreamt we were living in Colorado and my mom was in the hospital and once again the time thing was all screwy. Prior to visiting my mom I went to see some guy who was the Dog Whisperer and since I didn’t own a dog he gave me a frisbee and showed me how to look for termites. I left there confused and went to the hospital and realized it was 8 pm and that the boys weren’t with me and I had NO idea where they were or how it got that late. The last dream I had had something to do with a nice big swimming pool and waiting for someone to get a hold of me. In my dreams i KNEW who the person was- just a feeling- but now that I’m awake i have no idea who it’s from. But it was VERY important and I wanted to hear from this person. This person trying to get a hold of me had left messages for me in every one of my prior dreams-but in different forms….. (email, letter, phone message) It was like a search through my life or something strange like that… who knows dreams are weird.

We had two birthday parties yesterday-back to back. Same place just a few hours different. Grahams party started at noon and Thomas at 3. I had to have a friend pick up Thomas and bring him to the second party because I didn’t have time to go home and get him and make it back to the bowling alley. I was exhausted after that. I had planned on going home and dropping Graham off and scooping up Thomas but Grahams party started late because the hostess is a chain smoker and kept having to go outside to smoke before the kids could start bowling. (yes, very frustrating). I didn’t plan on the party starting an hour later than specified. Had I known that we would NOT have gone. This is a ‘new’ friend for Graham- one he’s never mentioned before and doesn’t even really play with. I was glad we went because only 2 other kids showed up- but I was also annoyed and would have rather been at home watching basketball with Mick. OH well, Graham and the birthday kid had fun.

I have mounds of homework today. But it’s all fun homework so I’m really not complaining.
T