Salt of the Earth

14 years ago today- around this time I married my hubby. My grandma and grandpa were there too. It was very special. We were married at my mom’s house by a JOP in front of her kiva fire place. We wrote our own vows and played the love song from the Godfather. It started to lightly snow right before I walked through the front door in my wedding dress and veil. My mom had ordered me the most beautiful rose boquet with a few Irises-since those are my favorite flowers. Where she got irises in the dead of winter I will never know. She gave me her pearl earrings that Tom had given her on their wedding day 10 years prior. It was a very small but elegant wedding. I wasn’t nervous.. It just felt right. The only doubt i had in my mind was if I should wear my right shoe or not- since I had stepped on broken glass a day before and it was still lodged in my foot. My mother-in-law told me to take my shoe off right after the ceremony. I did. Isamu was there. Funny, 2 of 10 people at my wedding have died- Isamu and my grandma. Guess that’s part of life. Cause 3 people have gotten married and started families of their own. That whole circle of life thing I guess. It was a good day. It’s been a good 14 years. For better or for worse. But it’s all good.

We returned from North Ben this afternoon. The drive down was fine- we were a bit excited to get there so it seemed like the 5 hour trip took much longer. I packed a picnic lunch with left over turkey and we stopped around lunch time to eat. We got in around dinner time and decided to eat at the hotel buffet place. While sitting there Mick saw my grandpa and some of my other family members. We hugged our hellos and made plans for later that evening. As it turned out we went to bed early because we were all tired from the drive. The next morning we met up with my grandpa for breakfast. He gave us the days plans and we went off to get ready for the service. Around 1pm we met by the big fire place inside the hotel- which was just beautiful. I met up with the rest of my family at that point- and we all hugged our hellos again. Everyone kept commenting on how big the boys had gotten since they last saw them several years ago. We headed off to the cemetery and we were greeted with the sun coming out and no rain. It was just perfect. Prior to arriving my Grandpa asked me if I’d do a reading during the ceremony. I was honored. My uncle Scott led the ceremony and spoke of how he thought his mom was one of the worlds finest women and he talked about so many of her great attributes. My Aunt Sarah went next and she read something she had written for her mom-once again speaking of all her fine attributes and how even though she was gone-she’s left a little bit of her behind in her children, grand children, etc… I read my little bit next and my cousin Emma followed. A dear friend to my grandpa read something my grandpa had written. -My grandma’s last words to him. Up until this point everyone was somewhat able to hold it together- and only slightly tear up. When Mr. Tracy began reading the finality of my grandma’s life and death finally hit me. She had told my grandpa to not consider her gone- but she’s just in the next room waiting for him to arrive. She thanked him for the 59 years they were married and for the 5 children they had together. As I glanced up at my grandpa I noticed his bottom lip was tight against his teeth- then I saw his lip quiver and I knew he had started to cry. That was so hard to see, because up until that point he’d been so stoic but the loss of the love of his life was very apparent. After Mr. Tracy read my grandma’s last words he read my grandpa’s last words to my grandma. He spoke of his love for her and how much he appreciated her and how much he’d miss her. One of the last things said was that he loved her and that now it was HIS turn to wait to see her again. It was so beautiful and touching. The service ended with pretty much everyone in tears and a kind old relative of mine offered me a tissue from her pocket. We were all quiet after that- and just kind of looked at her grave site one last time and we said our goodbyes to the wonderful women who we had been fortunate enough to know and love in our life time. I broke off a bit of the branch from the tree that is above her grave-just something to save- one last piece of her, maybe. The drive to the reception was extremely painful to me because i had finally felt the loss, accepted that she was really gone. I couldn’t help but think that just years before I was in the exact same spot with her-and she was very much alive and I’d never get to experience that again in my lifetime. When we got to the reception we began drinking wine, then more wine, then just a little more. My grandma would’ve liked her party. She would have liked the wine and the laughter and all of us celebrating her and what she’s left behind. Some of her relatives put on a huge turkey feast for us and we ate and drank more wine. When we got back to the hotel my grandpa had a little celebration in his room. He ordered up champagne and we toasted to Grandma, one last time. He called it a night and some of us found our way to the bar for more celebrating. I think we made it to bed by midnight since many people had to be up in a few hours to catch flights and find their way back home. I woke up a little sad this morning-and a little hung over. (i learned two things-wine gives me a headache and if you drunk dial- don’t do it to your parents cause it’s not really that funny the next day) As we left North Bend I felt like I was saying my last goodbye- leaving my grandma in the place she wanted to have her ashes scattered. I guess in my own way, that was the closure I needed. I’m home now- still a little sad. I’m sure I’ll be over my wine hang over tomorrow, but my heart will still be a little sore for the next few days.

Until we meet again Grandma
I love you
and I thank you for being who you were
for loving me
for being on my side
for touching so many lives
and for tap dancing to make me smile.

Tina

SO…. i discovered something worse than cleaning up barf at 3am. Dry heaving for 3 hours. Oh yes, i got Graham’s stomach bug Friday evening. At around 5am i was pleading with my stomach- swearing it had nothing left to throw up- but it just didn’t seem to believe me. I dry heaved for 3 hours. It was awful. (Uncle Buddy said that if you throw up something that looks like a little black button you need to swallow it cause it’s your asshole and you need to keep that down…..that Uncle Buddy….) I think I got about 3 hours of sleep that night- off and on- in between praying to the porcelain god. Saturday i was weak and sick to my stomach. All my back muscles ached too- it was awful. I think it was Sunday when I finally ate soup. It was not until today that I feel good and pretty much back to normal. Sad to say I missed Thomas last football game and I wasn’t able to drive to New Mexico to be with my mom. (Graham stayed home with me on Saturday because he still wasn’t well.) Saturday night I was certain Thomas was gonna start puking- his best friend and her brother started puking earlier that day. I made the trail of towels from Thomas room to the bathroom before I got into my bed and prayed for a sleep filled night. I’m happy to say that as of today Mick and Thomas have not gotten the barf bug. ( I probably just jinxed myself….)

NOw I am getting a menu ready for Thanksgiving. My cousin, his wife and their baby and uncle Buddy are coming over. Friday we are heading out to go to my Grandma’s Memorial service. It will be a 5 hour drive. The kids are excited to stay in a hotel. It will be nice to see that side of my family.

My mom’s fingers are healing slowly. She had a bad day yesterday. I feel so badly. I really wish there were something I could do.

We had Thomas conferences last night. He’s smart and scores very high on all those standard achievement tests but he HATES doing homework. He’s having issues with organization and chatting in class. I’ve got to tighten the homework whip with him and monitor him more. He has so much potential but he is also a social butterfly. A true mix of Mick and myself. Boy, that child has started to argue with us so much more these days. I told Mick just this morning that Thomas is a mini-Mick.

Graham is doing better. He’s such a sweetie. Mick took Thomas to work with him yesterday. (boys are off school this whole week-go figure). Graham and I spent the entire day just hanging out and having a good day. It made me realize just how much I miss having him home in the afternoons. I had to break down and buy pants yesterday. I got 2 pair that I will be wearing and washing until I am in my smaller ones. I think underwear is next.

Enough from me
T

man i had the worst dream last night. In the dream I knew that one of my friends had killed this other girl- and i didn’t tell anyone and I helped cover it up. Some agent was asking questions and saying they were getting closer to figuring out what happened to this girl and anyone involved would be charged with accessory to murder. I began to panic because i was confused as to why I didn’t tell anyone about it when it happened. But I knew all the details- like why my friend killed her (to steal her silver rings) and where (grassy field while they were having a picnic) but i didn’t know why I was keeping the secret. I was petrified of the agent finding out that I knew- had known for months. I was glad when I woke up to Graham tapping me and informing me that he had thrown up. I have no clue where that dream came from- probably from all the CSI tv shows I watch.

So in the awake world- Graham is home sick again today. Night before last I woke up to the sound of barfing. I got up and saw that the bathroom light was on in the boys bathroom and I was like “YES! THEY MADE IT TO THE TOLIET!” When I poked my head around I saw poor little Graham just sick as ever, standing above the toilet, lid DOWN. So I cleaned him, the floor, the shower curtain, the wall, the toilet and the sink up and brought him into my room for a floor bed. I’ve learned from many past flu experiences that if you make a trail with towels to the open lid toilet, you have less mess to clean up. So little G was all set in his bed, with his towel trail, bathroom light on, lid up. Poor kid barfed for another 5 hours. He finally got into bed with us and he clung to me like one of those little suction things you put on windows to hang things. With G, i know that when he has a bug, he barfs again the next night. Which he did last night. So he’s home again today. Poor kid, he has not had a good week.

My mom is doing ok. Her fingers hurt at times and the pain meds make her sick to her stomach. She really wants me to come there and help her. Or just take care of her and keep her company. This accident really scared her-as it would anyone. I’m gonna try to go down.

I am working on a few paintings now for class. I’m really happy with them. I am so happy when I am doing my art. It’s just one of those things that feels right. If only I could make money doing it- that would make it perfect!

not much else new here.
gonna check my little boy.
T

i woke up this morning feeling like the worst mom in the whole entire world. I blamed myself for Graham’s suspension- you know if only i had done this, or if only i hadn’t let him do that…. somehow my parental skills are lacking. He’s such a sweet and smart little guy too. UGH I am just beating myself up over this one. So i took Thomas to school and stopped by Graham’s teacher to get his morning homework that he would be missing. His teacher informed me that he had gone to the principal and tried talking her out of the suspension. She told him that if it had been any other kid they would have gotten 2 days suspension because of this no tolerance thing. i still think it’s a bit extreme. I had to do a demo today in my art class so i couldn’t miss class or take Graham with me so Mick took part of the morning off to watch him. I will admit, it would have been hard not to enjoy having him home with me had I stayed home. sigh…..

My mom went into surgery this morning. I haven’t heard anything as of yet. I am hoping that the surgery is successful and she can keep her pointer finger. (Her middle finger is the one that has already been partially amputated. )

I’m distracted and preoccupied today. I had a hard time concentrating in class. But i think it was the best place for me to be-other than at home. I still feel like getting into my bed and pulling the covers over my head.

T

SO…… This morning was a normal Tuesday morning- wake up, get gym clothes on, get kids up/fed/out the door and then myself off to the gym. Uneventful. When I got home I decided to call my mom and thank her for the b-day card and check she sent me. So Tom answers the phone and I’m thanking him and chatting then I realized it was 10am his time and I asked “wait, why are you home?” He then informs me that my mom had an accident last night- with the table saw. So in between my “WHAT?” and my “OH MY GOD’s” he told me that she had part of her middle finger amputated and that she was going to be in surgery tomorrow to sew the other one back on. WTF? So i talked to my mom and she was loopy from morphine and she filled in some of the blanks for me. She was cutting a board, she’s not sure what happened but she looked down and there was blood everywhere and part of her finger was hanging. She ran into the house and called Tom and told him what happened then called 911. 911 showed up and assessed the situation. It was too bad to go to the regular ER and bad enough for the trauma center. So in the ambulance they gave her 3 doses of morphine because the pain started to set in. 8 hours later she was on her way home with instructions to come back for surgery in a day. SO tomorrow is the surgery. She and Tom were supposed to arrive here on Saturday (from NM) to spend Thanksgiving with us-then go to my grandma’s memorial service. That is not going to happen. Mom sounded ok- but still kind of in shock.

SO it doesn’t end there…. I had had lunch with my dear friend Annalisa today and was on my way home when I get a call from the school. i saw the name on caller ID and my stomach flip flopped. I knew it was more bad news. The principal was on the other line and told me she had my younger son in the office and he needed to tell me something. Graham got on the phone and was sobbing and I couldn’t understand him. (meanwhile I am a block from home and I did an illegal U-Turn so I could haul ass to the school) Apparently, Graham and his friend Garrett got into a wrestling/tumbling/ fighting match that got out of control. Garrett some how got mad at the game they were playing he tackled Graham and Graham punched him in the face. Now these two boys are friends. Never had a problem before, been to each others birthday parties, play football together, etc…. So I was baffled when the principal told me who it was. So i walk into the office, Garrett is sitting in the outer office and Graham was in the principals office crying. Garrett sees me and says “are you mad?” and I said “are you ok?” and Garrett said “yeah, we just got out of control but can Graham still come to my birthday party?” and I laughed at that. Got into the principals office and she kept telling me how wonderful my children were and she just loved them and she knows they aren’t trouble makers…etc…. BUT she had to suspend Graham for 2 days. She changed her mind once she saw the look on my face - which was total shock. In the end she said they were only suspended for one morning because she had to make an example out of them. Personally i think it’s a bit harsh . Should Graham have punched him- probably not. But suspended? Garrett’s mom called me and said that Garrett’s story was similar to Graham’s except that Garrett was mad and Graham wasn’t. She feels the punishment is harsh too and is going in to talk to the principal about it.

Sigh…. to top my day off some jack ass followed me around Home Depot making kissing sounds and calling me baby. He did not speak English very well otherwise I would have told him to ‘GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME-YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME TODAY!”

so many times today i wanted to get into my bed and pull the covers over my head and just hide from the world. I know i should eat something since I haven’t eaten much all day- but I just can’t stomach anything right now. besides, that requires thinking and that’s the last thing i want to do now. I need new sheets for my bed. comfy, fluffy sheets.

gonna make grilled cheese for the kids.
T

I not only reached my birthday goal- but I lost 3 extra pounds. My goal was to loose 37 pounds by my 37th birthday. As of THIS morning, one day BEFORE my birthday, I have lost a total of 40 pounds. I am so happy. It has been hard work but SO worth it. I haven’t ‘cheated’ at all. I’m not depriving myself of anything- i just don’t eat sugar because it makes me cranky. i don’t miss it, really. Well, maybe Hot Tamales. That was hard passing those up at Halloween. The other day Thomas told me that I looked like an old lady cause my pants were too baggy. (apparently old ladies wear baggy pants?) So I said I’d take that as a compliment. He said “mom, you really need to get some pants that fit”. That made my day. BUT I’m not buying any new clothes until January. That’s what belts are made for. Mick and I are in for our 40 pound celebration. I get to decide this time. Not sure where or what though. Our next goal is 50 pounds. That’s a BIG one.

Mick and I are going out on Saturday. I am actually hiring a babysitter to watch the boys. This is the first time we’ve done this and I’m a bit wary. We’ve left them at home before with my parents or Mick’s mom. But never a sitter. I know the family of the girl really well. To be perfectly honest, if the party we were going to were for anyone one else I don’t think I’d do it. I’m too chicken. I’m just not in the habit of leaving my kids. I’ve never been one of those mom’s who can easily dump her kids off. I like being with my boys. I feel I get my time while they are at school- but i do enjoy having them home in the summer. They have today and tomorrow off (public school). I must say it’s been a nice day. They aren’t young forever either.

I’ve been knitting a lot lately. (maybe I am an old lady). I saw a REALLY cute hat at Banana Republic a few weeks ago. I was thinking about getting it but when I saw it was $48 I set it down and slowly backed away. Now don’t get me wrong, it was cute but not that cute. SO I ventured into the yarn store by Mick’s office called ‘Knit/Purl”. I told the girl in there about the hat and she pulled it up on her computer and gave me directions to make it. SO $12 later i have a VERY cute hat with a button. I’ve made one for my mom as well. I’ll try to take a picture of it.

Tomorrow is my bday. I can’t believe I’m getting so old. I don’t feel old, I just do old lady things.
Thomas is calling me- he’s trying to work his way out of his room. It’s a mess and he has to clean it today.

T

SO….. several months ago Graham was invited to a birthday party. The mom of the little girl called to see what Graham could and could not eat…. I was confused and said that he could eat anything. At this point she became confused and said “but he told Taylor (birthday girl) that he was Jewish.” After the initial 5 seconds of ‘what?’ that went through my mind I started laughing and reassured the mom that Graham wasn’t Jewish. So I asked Graham about it and he said he wasn’t sure if he was Jewish or not but that he’d been thinking about it a lot lately. So I tried to explain to him about being Jewish- which I think confused him even more. So a few months go by and out of the blue Graham says ‘Mom, I really do think I’m Jewish” . And I asked him why he thought that and he said cause he didn’t know for sure that he WASN’T. Ok, well that’s a good point.

So my cousin Victors parents were in town a few weeks ago and my uncle is Jewish. I had Graham talk to him about being Jewish. He asked very intelligent questions down to the point of who started the Jewish religion and how did they know they were Jewish. My uncle was very kind and tried to simplify things. The next day Graham told me he wanted to celebrate Hanukkah this year. I asked why (thinking it was for the presents) and he said cause he wanted to light the candles every night and eat Jewish food. SO….. I said that I would look into it for him. Fortunately I have a wonderful friend named Lauren who IS Jewish and we will be celebrating one night of Hanukkah with her family. I know it will be a good time. I never thought I’d have this kind of conversation with my 7 year old. well, what are you gonna do?

ANYWAY, last year i met a gal at college who just turned 17. She graduated from high school in June and moved in with her 27 year old boyfriend and his mom this summer. She called me today to tell me she was 5 weeks pregnant. i honestly didn’t know how to react because she was really happy. I wanted to tell her that she’s too young to have a baby and she has so much life to live before doing that. I asked if they were going to get married (her parents are VERY religious) and she said they had to wait until her boyfriends divorce was over and for her to get her braces off. *sigh* but then again, here I go pretending I know about relationships and love and all that stuff.

Boys had great games this weekend. Graham got the ball twice and ran like the wind both times. It had been raining like crazy for days and days before so the field was muddy. The second time Graham got the ball he slid in the mud on his shoulder. All i could see was him running with people chasing him, then everyone stopped and a few people fell. Graham got up, no hat, no flag, covered in mud and still holding the ball. He gave me the thumbs up and said ‘that was cool!”. Thomas had a double header. The other team started with the ball, Thomas pulled the first flag from the QB. WHOOO HOO His team went on to win. They had a 5 minute break then started their second game against the maroon team. Thomas ‘owns’ the QB on that team and got the flag 3 times. They won that game tool It was SWEET. Both boys had pictures after their games. So they will be true to form. Sweaty, muddy and all worn out.

Thomas is complaining now- he wants to use my computer so i will end here.
T

It is Nov. 1st…. i won’t even go on and on about how fast time flies.

I have been meaning to blog the best part of my weekend for days now. My Aunt Carol and Uncle Ralph came into town on Friday night to see my cousin and his baby. Saturday we were invited to my cousins house for pizza-which was a huge treat for us. It was so good to see my family and we had a wonderful time. We celebrated Uncle Buddies birthday and the boys played with baby Abby until she went to bed. She is just so precious. Auntie Carol, as I have written before is very special to me as is Uncle Ralph. I have a special relationship with each of them and I love seeing them. They were only in town for 2 days so we didn’t get to see them again- but the time we got with them was awesome.

Halloween was a blast- as usual. I spent my day at the boys school, painting faces and celebrating with the kids. I had to divide my time between classes which was hard- because i wanted to be in both places at once. The kids have really good friends and I just enjoy being around them all. Thomas still likes having me around and I’m sucking it up while I can. I know soon- that will change. Graham’s class was allowed to have costumes for their party and Graham begged and begged me to dress up. So on my way to the school I stopped at Target and got angel wings, a halo and some big blue, swishy eye lashes. I thought since he was a devil, I’d be an angel. Need less to say, I got teased big time by the teachers and other moms about ‘horns holding my halo up’ and ‘you are more like she devil than an angel’ and stuff like that. It was a good time. The kids just LOVE having their little faces painted and I always use a lot of glitter- on their face and in their hair. There is something so sweet about seeing their precious little faces covered in my art AND sparkles.

Last night we went trick or treating. Several kids came with us which was fine. We were out for 2 hours and the kids had a good time- and there was NO complaining when it was time to go home. I wore my angel wings etc… Neighbors got a big kick out of teasing me too. I’m just not sure why…..

That’s about all for now. Time to get kids up.
Tina