until we meet again
We returned from North Ben this afternoon. The drive down was fine- we were a bit excited to get there so it seemed like the 5 hour trip took much longer. I packed a picnic lunch with left over turkey and we stopped around lunch time to eat. We got in around dinner time and decided to eat at the hotel buffet place. While sitting there Mick saw my grandpa and some of my other family members. We hugged our hellos and made plans for later that evening. As it turned out we went to bed early because we were all tired from the drive. The next morning we met up with my grandpa for breakfast. He gave us the days plans and we went off to get ready for the service. Around 1pm we met by the big fire place inside the hotel- which was just beautiful. I met up with the rest of my family at that point- and we all hugged our hellos again. Everyone kept commenting on how big the boys had gotten since they last saw them several years ago. We headed off to the cemetery and we were greeted with the sun coming out and no rain. It was just perfect. Prior to arriving my Grandpa asked me if I’d do a reading during the ceremony. I was honored. My uncle Scott led the ceremony and spoke of how he thought his mom was one of the worlds finest women and he talked about so many of her great attributes. My Aunt Sarah went next and she read something she had written for her mom-once again speaking of all her fine attributes and how even though she was gone-she’s left a little bit of her behind in her children, grand children, etc… I read my little bit next and my cousin Emma followed. A dear friend to my grandpa read something my grandpa had written. -My grandma’s last words to him. Up until this point everyone was somewhat able to hold it together- and only slightly tear up. When Mr. Tracy began reading the finality of my grandma’s life and death finally hit me. She had told my grandpa to not consider her gone- but she’s just in the next room waiting for him to arrive. She thanked him for the 59 years they were married and for the 5 children they had together. As I glanced up at my grandpa I noticed his bottom lip was tight against his teeth- then I saw his lip quiver and I knew he had started to cry. That was so hard to see, because up until that point he’d been so stoic but the loss of the love of his life was very apparent. After Mr. Tracy read my grandma’s last words he read my grandpa’s last words to my grandma. He spoke of his love for her and how much he appreciated her and how much he’d miss her. One of the last things said was that he loved her and that now it was HIS turn to wait to see her again. It was so beautiful and touching. The service ended with pretty much everyone in tears and a kind old relative of mine offered me a tissue from her pocket. We were all quiet after that- and just kind of looked at her grave site one last time and we said our goodbyes to the wonderful women who we had been fortunate enough to know and love in our life time. I broke off a bit of the branch from the tree that is above her grave-just something to save- one last piece of her, maybe. The drive to the reception was extremely painful to me because i had finally felt the loss, accepted that she was really gone. I couldn’t help but think that just years before I was in the exact same spot with her-and she was very much alive and I’d never get to experience that again in my lifetime. When we got to the reception we began drinking wine, then more wine, then just a little more. My grandma would’ve liked her party. She would have liked the wine and the laughter and all of us celebrating her and what she’s left behind. Some of her relatives put on a huge turkey feast for us and we ate and drank more wine. When we got back to the hotel my grandpa had a little celebration in his room. He ordered up champagne and we toasted to Grandma, one last time. He called it a night and some of us found our way to the bar for more celebrating. I think we made it to bed by midnight since many people had to be up in a few hours to catch flights and find their way back home. I woke up a little sad this morning-and a little hung over. (i learned two things-wine gives me a headache and if you drunk dial- don’t do it to your parents cause it’s not really that funny the next day) As we left North Bend I felt like I was saying my last goodbye- leaving my grandma in the place she wanted to have her ashes scattered. I guess in my own way, that was the closure I needed. I’m home now- still a little sad. I’m sure I’ll be over my wine hang over tomorrow, but my heart will still be a little sore for the next few days.
Until we meet again Grandma
I love you
and I thank you for being who you were
for loving me
for being on my side
for touching so many lives
and for tap dancing to make me smile.
Tina