Last night I dreamt that I was in art school and very happy. All day long I’ve been thinking about it and sighing…. It felt so real which made waking up that much harder. In the dream I was xeroxing an assignment that one of my teacher had given me- and I had my big blue portfolio with me and everyone around me was doing art. I was chatting with a classmate and trying to figure out where my next class was- as I was unfamiliar with the campus. Oh how sweet would that be- to go to art school. I’ve entertained the idea today- putting all logic aside and playing the ‘what if’ game. I’ve always wanted to go to art school- since high school actually. I don’t really know that a degree in art would get me a job or make a million dollars for us- but it would make me happy. Just to be surrounded by fellow artists who had the same passion and desire to create beauty. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there. That ‘happy’ place where everything around you disappears and your soul takes over. It’s a time when your thoughts shut off and all those pointless things that clutter your mind just evaporate and become irrelevant. And then you create. I really miss that. I miss being in school. I miss creating and I miss being surrounded by like minded people. i miss painting and printing and colors and the smell of Turpenoid…. I miss getting excited over new brushes or creating a new color or feeling the texture of really cool printing paper. I miss discovering new techniques and perfecting the old ones. I miss the challenge and the satisfaction of conquering new ideas. I’m hopeless. Hopelessly in love with art.
Today was kind of a crazy day. Not all of it- just parts of it. I really dislike dealing with irrational people. I find it exhausting and pointless. I think one of my short comings is giving people too many chances. I believe in the benefit of the doubt perhaps a little too much. I just don’t really want to believe that some people are just bad. LIke I said, I’m hopeless.
I’m going to bed so i can dream of art school
I have been rediscovering a few things that I had forgotten about. The first is Victoria Secrets bras. Just LOVE them. I had to be refitted again this week, as once again my old bras were getting too big. Not to mention that this is the most comfortable bra I’ve even owned- but it makes the ol cha chas look pretty damn good too. 3 words… lift and separate!
The second thing i have rediscovered is Sudoku. OH MAN! i used to LOVE Sudoku and then I stopped doing it. I got a new book on Sunday and haven’t been able to put it down. So much fun.
This whole VA Tech thing is just so sad. I feel so very sorry for all those people. I can’t help but to think back on the whole Columbine incident. 8 years ago tomorrow. I was still pregnant with Graham and Thomas and i had just got up from a nap and turned the tv on and saw the tragic events unwinding in front of us. Heartbreaking. Monday morning at the gym usually consists of 45 minutes of elliptical then 15-20 on the treadmill while listening to my iPod and trying to lip read or read the subtitles on the tv’s provided by the gym. When i saw Breaking News across the TV I started reading and learned that 21 people had been killed at that time. By the time I got home the total was up by 10. So sad and senseless. I watched the coverage yesterday and was baffled about how the media was going about making sense of this event. At least 1/2 hour was spent contemplating WHY the shooter would leave the gun receipt in his back pack. I just don’t see how that is relevant or if figuring that out is going to make a difference in preventing this sort of thing from happening again.
Anyway, that’s enough from me
Once again it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged.
where to begin…
Spring break was awesome and well needed. The first few days the boys and I were sick so we stayed home in our jammies and slept a lot. My mom came on Tuesday and we really enjoyed seeing her and I really appreciated having a second set of hands to help with the kids. We didn’t do too much while she was here which is what we all needed. After the boys went back to school mom and I got 2 days with just her and me. It was really nice. I took her to the mall one day (had to pick up lego pieces for Graham) and she ended up getting me a couple “Easter” gifts. A pair of red Crocs (she got the same) and a beautiful Italian glass necklace that I absolutely love. It is SO beautiful. I took her to my new, favorite tea store and got her some tea and a cup to take home with her. It was a nice day and memories I will always cherish.
I’ve manages to maintain/loose more weight. I’ve lost about 59 1/2 pounds. That last 1/2 pound is just killing me so I have gone back on Phase One of South Beach. So hopefully i’ll get that 1/2 pound plus about 25 off by summer time. That would be way cool.
I’ve decided to not go back to school this term. It was a very hard and sad decision for me. My art teacher and little art friends are just as unhappy as I am but it’s really just what needs to be for now.
I love art, I love doing art, I am very happy when I am doing art. Time is just not on my side these days. The boys schedule just gets busier and busier which leaves less time for me to do MY homework. There are several times when I need to be in two places at once which is just very hard to do and until I can learn to successfully divide myself, my art will have to be put on the back burner. I am trying to sketch as much as I can at home and I LOVE doing 1 minute gesture drawings. The biggest disappointment for my teacher and myself is that I will not be eligible for the spring art show since I am not a student. That was such an amazing experience for me last year. Still makes me smile to think about it.
Thomas crossed over to Boy Scouts a few weeks ago. It was an amazing ceremony. His new troop was waiting on one side of this little bridge and his old cubmaster (Mark-the hero) was standing with us and the other boys on the other side. Prior to that the parents stood behind the boys and participated in a little light ceremony where we pinned the Arrow of Light on our boys and they pinned a parent pin on us. It was very touching. When it came time to “cross over” I had to take Thomas Webelos hat and scarf off of him as we crossed the bridge. Mark thanked him for being in scouts and wished him well in his new troop and said he’d be missed. I got to walk with Thomas over the bridge to his new troop where they put a new hat and scarf on him and welcomed him and me. It was way cool and yes, i was crying. My friend Rob who took pictures so i will try to post some soon. I’m so very proud of Thomas.
Graham finished basketball season with flying colors. His coaches had wonderful things to say about him at his trophy party and hope that he comes back in the fall. Well see- he’s still unsure about basketball. Last night at cub scouts we made paper and Graham was my helper. He LOVES that kind of thing. It was a lot of fun- and the boys really enjoyed it. I’m so very proud of him too.
I know I have more to tell I just can’t think of it now that I am on the spot. One of the gals that drives a bus at the boys school got killed on her motorcycle a week and half ago. It’s been sad cause she was really nice. Her son is a tattoo artist and helped me paint faces at the school carnival this year. She had her bike only 3 days and some idiot was drunk and hit her. So sad.
well, that’s about all i can think of now.
maybe more later