Salt of the Earth

Today is G’s birthday. He’s the big 8 now. He had trouble getting to sleep last night and when I came back to bed at midnight he was still awake. I let him sleep on my floor- and at 12:10am i told him that he was finally 8. Kind of cool to be with him the same time he was born- 8 years later.

So as crappie as my week was last week- the 3 day weekend made up for it and so much more. I had an awesome weekend. Friday night started off with an impromptu ‘girls night out’. I met up with 3 other girls and we went to happy hour at a place called El Indio. The night consisted of a lot of laughing and bowls of Mexican punch and i even got drunk dialed! whoo hooo!

Saturday the boys and I went to Mick’s new office to help him decorate. It’s a pretty nice little pad. Mick asked my opinion on this huge, heavy book shelf. After moving it a few times he found a spot he liked- well, i liked, and he pushed it against the wall in hopes of not moving it again. We then went to his old office and got to scavenge through all the stuff people no longer wanted/needed. It was awesome. That night we went to friends house for a BBQ. Everyone had a really good time.

Sunday the boys and I went to see Pirates Of The Caribbean with some friends (Mick had to work). Then we went to the Barton’s house for steaks. Once again, another evening filled with good friends, conversation and just the thing I needed.

Monday- the boys and I hung out and got caught up on stuff in the house.

Well, I’m off. I promised Graham I’d take a platter of pirate cupcakes to his class and it’s getting to be about that time.

Happy Birthday Graham-I love you!
T

So I’ve been watching Soprano reruns lately. Man I love that show. I could watch reruns over and over. My tivo recorded Viewers Choice which consisted of 2 awesome episodes. I’d have to say the second (The Knight In White Satin Armor) is one of my all time favorites and I really appreciated it today. The first reason was because it really made me laugh. In the episode Janice is asking Tony what he did with Riches’ body and he told her ‘I buried him under a tree, overlooking a river with pine cones all around…” and Janice says “oh, oh did you really?” and Tony says “NO JANICE! What difference does it make”. For some reason it was just so funny. Janice is so wacky and quirky- she makes me laugh. The second reason i love that episode is because it shows Tony on a different level. Throughout the whole episode he is dealing with different situations and he takes care of EVERYONE. In the last scene he is sitting on the couch with Carmela after being up all night and half the morning ‘taking care of business’. He’s trying to talk to Carm and she just dishes more shit out for him to take. As the camera pans out, the song “Hey, Hey I Saved the World Today” is playing and Tony just shakes his head, drops his shoulders and then sighs deeply.

Thomas had his concert tonight- and his 5th grade musical. He was fabulous as always. I’m so proud of him. I can’t believe he’ll be in middle school next year. Since his hair is longer now the girls in his class had to put his hair in little pony tails in order to get his Thomas Jefferson wig on.

Graham and I had a really nice little ‘date’ after school today. Thomas had table tennis so Graham and I went to this neat little coffee shop by our house called “The 3rd place”. He had a steamer and coffee cake and I had decaf, sugar free mocha. We played cards and giggled the entire time. It was so fun. I love times like that.

We are staying in town this weekend. We’ve been invited to peoples houses every night- I’m REALLY looking forward to some good non stressful company and some good times. This week has been an incredibly stressful week. My patience has been tried over and over and I have been pushed across so many lines it’s crazy. Trying to keep everyone happy and everything going smoothly and on time is making me insane. I’m not even going to blog it because it’s just too long, and so ridiculous.

Got my results back from my doctors appointment from last week. Everything is great- except I’m anemic again. This time it’s worse than before (how that’s possible I’m not sure) and if it drops ANY I have to go in for the 3 hour transfusion. sigh…… “Hey, Hey I Saved the World Today”

T

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It’s funny how life just keeps on flying by regardless if you are keeping up with it or not. I need to catch up here- again.

Mother’s Day was really nice this year. I had anticipating just kind of pretending the day away but Mick and the boys made breakfast for me, took me to lunch/dinner and to see Spiderman 3. it was one I’ll always cherish and remember. OH yeah, we also went out for frozen custard which was good. Not amazing like Dairy Queen- but still good.

I made it through the day with only moments of thinking of Isamu. I thought about his mom mostly and how hard her day might be. It made me so happy that I had my boys with me. (smile)

Last weekend Thomas went to Camporee (huge boy scout camp). He had a blast. it was one of the few times I didn’t get weepy. I stood back and watch him and the other boys prepare to pack all their gear into their camp ground. It was quiet comical and I’ll blog it another time. Mick woke up sick the next morning so he just kind of moaned on the couch- poor guy. Graham and I planted a small garden which was something he begged me to do this year. I am not one to like dirt and all that stuff so gardening is a HUGE thing for me. But it was so fun planting it with him. After we cleaned up he and I drove an hour to see Thomas at camp. We were greeted by extremely hungry boys-who were all having a great time. The drive was beautiful and we had fun visiting. We picked up soup for Mick and headed home. Thomas came home the next day- just in time. I was starting to really miss him.

Drama….the drama. I’ve come to the conclusion that lately not only do i have my bitch on, but I am fully bitch accessorized. I have no tolerance for things that annoy me. It’s like the little angel on my shoulder has been eaten by my devil. Today I was talking to this really stupid lady at the school who crossed the line with Thomas and she pissed me off so badly that I said something very uncalled for. I knew it was wrong as the words were spilling from my mouth. But i said it anyway. And then I thought to myself ‘Damn-I said that out loud’ I think she kind of had it coming to her- there goes that pesky devil again. I ended up filing a written complaint against her and she got a huge ass chewing from the principal. IN MY DEFENSE it’s been an insanely stressful week. I’m just not even going to get into it. I’m just glad I have a supportive husband, family, friends, teachers, principal etc….

I have to admit i’ve been watching Dancing With The Stars for the last few weeks. Only for the fact that Apolo Anton Ohno has been on and man oh man that little hottie can dance.

Graham crossed over to Bears in cub scouts. i always cry when the boys pin the parent pins on the parents. We celebrated our last meeting for the school year by launching rockets that the boys made. Good fun. Graham had one called EVIL ONE and it went the highest and then landed on the roof of the school. (he is sitting next to me now and wanted me to mention that)

I designed the the T-shirts for the 5th grade party this year. The printer called me to compliment me and asked me if I’d like to design T-shirts for his company- when needed. I said ‘absolutely’. So that’s cool on the art front. I hope to spend some time painting this summer.

That’s about all really-
T

SO life has been a little stressful lately. Really it all started about a year and a half ago when Thomas got his hand slammed in the car door of a friend of his. I blogged about it then. The owner of the car threatened to sue us cause she’s…. i don’t know what she is. ANYWAY, time passed, fences were mended and we remained friends for the kids sake. As our kids grew closer they became more comfortable with each other especially Thomas and L. L spent a great deal of time at our house in the last few months and she and Thomas have become inseparable. A few weeks ago they had a tif at school- nothing too serious- but L whacked Thomas in the head which constituted in her getting a referral. (the school has a no hitting policy that they are VERY strict with). The two of them have tapped each other here- mostly in playing. Well this particular hit caused some tears which resulted in more tears and both kids felt terrible. The day it happened L’s dad and I talked about it and to our knowledge the situation was over and the kids had moved on. WELL the mom -D- called me that night and was yelling so loud on the phone that when I held it away from my ear I could still hear her like she was in the room with me. I hung up- cause I don’t need to listen to that shit. She was completely irrational and saying stuff like Thomas was teachers pet and never got into trouble because of my ‘relationship’ with the teacher and my involvement in the school and just crap like that. whatever…… so the next day Thomas went to school thinking it was over and apparently L’s mom filled her head with irrational crap and she was very mad at Thomas and just made it a crazy day. For the most part Thomas ignored it- but D kept pushing him getting in more trouble. The next day after school Thomas got off the bus and was visibly upset. When he got into the car he said “you never told me you sued them mom…” and i said ‘WHAT?” and then he told me that L told him “my mom said you can’t come over for a year cause if you do your mom will sue us again.” wow…. i was stunned when I heard this. So I told Thomas I’d explain the situation to him later but that i NEVER sued them. After I got the boys a snack I called D and told her I didn’t appreciate her saying crap like that about me especially to her children. She denied it (please), then swore the conversation never took place in her home (PLEASE), and blah blah blah….. I knew she was lying to me. Then she had her daughter call me and lie to me too. I just couldn’t believe it. The next day presented more drama- but then Thomas left to Boy Scout camp and we had a wonderful weekend without all that crap. The next week had drama but Thomas managed to just ignore it and stay away from it- not really understanding it. He witnessed D freaking out at the bus stop and calling me a couple times to yell on the phone in which i hung up. So I finally explained what happened to him when he got his hand slammed in the car door. I still don’t know if that was the right decision. I didn’t tell him when it happened-and I never mentioned it afterwards. I really didn’t want him to ever know- because it’s stupid. And dramatic. So I explained to him that I needed D’s insurance information to file an accident report in order for my insurance to pay for the visit and x-rays. She refused and threatened to sue me and that she wouldn’t give me any money. I told her i didn’t want her money- not even for the co-pay or visit. (we ended up paying for everything out of pocket since we couldn’t file an accident report without their information) She completely over reacted and made the situation horrible for a very long time. I gave her my insurance card and told her to call my insurance agent cause she insisted that once I got her information i was going to sue her. It was awful. So I explained this to Thomas in simple terms. He didn’t understand it- how could he. But since then he’s had this fear that she was going to ‘sue’ us. He’s also become very protective of ME- and doesn’t want to cause problems so that she calls and yells again. My poor Thomas. What he didn’t see was that a few days ago at the bus stop I went off on D. I completely lost my temper and said things I shouldn’t have said. i stooped to her level and just let her have it. In all fairness to me, she said something about Thomas and I warned her that she better stop and that she didn’t want to get into it with me that day. She took another verbal jab at me and it was like hell was unleashed from my mouth. I threw the F bomb numerous times. When it was happening I just couldn’t stop- but when the bus came and Graham got off (Thomas had an after school activity) I completely changed and I was all smiles. I did NOT want him to see that. Since then she’s been overly nice to me. Thomas teacher stopped by yesterday to talk about the situation because it’s been affecting Thomas at school. Mick and I talked to Thomas in length the other night and it came out that he is scared she’ll sue us-. Today he told me that he’s REALLY scared she’ll call and yell at me again. Part of me thinks I should tell him about yelling at her- but I don’t really think that was the right thing to do. I keep telling him that I can defend myself and I’m not afraid of her- but he is and he wants to protect me from her. sigh…… When did life become so complicated for 11 year olds? He is supposed to be having fun and not worrying about ANYTHING except what game to play next-or where to hide for hide and seek or what he wants for dinner. Instead he’s worried about ME. ugh… i feel like the worlds worst mom. .. His teacher is concerned because his worry seems to be consuming him at school and he’s always trying to smooth things over with L so that she doesn’t tell her mom a ‘story’ then have her mom call and yell at me. He’s figured out that L fabricates stories to please her mom, and that her mom over reacts. He somehow thinks he can fix and control it- but my sweet boy can not. What a shitty lesson to learn at such a young age.

Anyway- I’m gonna drown my sorrows in bad sci fi.
T

It’s late here- and very quiet in my house. I am getting some paper work done and watching bad sci fi. Sweet, sweet bad sci fi. Nice way to end the day.

We are fully recovered from our camping weekend and actually excited for our next trip. Graham has informed me he wants camping stuff for his birthday this year. Hey it works for me! A friend of mine that works for Eddie Bauer gave me 2 little camping stools for the boys. She got them on some employee promotional thing. They are pretty cool.

Last night G advanced from Wolf to Bear in Cub Scouts. I painted faces and it was a lot of fun. Those ceremonies are always so touching. Graham has really grown up lately. he’s such a big help to me. He does stuff without me even asking me to- like carrying stuff in for me.

Lately I’ve had my bitch on full time- or close at hand. I’ve had to deal with this crazy neighbor lady a lot in the last few weeks. It just doesn’t even phase me anymore to ‘put it on’ . When she starts giving me lip I just nail right into her. Is this a good thing ? I don’t know. I don’t like stooping to certain levels- but sometimes damnit- it’s just necessary to hit below the belt.

We have a 3 day weekend coming up. Looking forward to it. It will be nice to sleep in and just hang out for a couple days.

Wow it’s already midnight and I need to get into bed. The rest of this paperwork can wait until tomorrow.

Night
T

We went camping this weekend with the Boy Scouts. It was a really fun time. Saturday morning started a little bit of a frenzy- as always before a trip. Mick and Thomas made it out the door on time- on their bikes, plenty of water and ready for a VERY long bike ride. Graham and I left a few minutes later with all the gear and a lot of excitement. We watched the boys take off on their bikes-and then took off shortly behind. It was so awesome to see all them biking a long Halsey. A few of the boys were just spinning instead of shifting to a different gear…. Thomas had his bite value to his Camelbak in his mouth the entire time. It was awesome. Graham and I were listening to my iPod on the way there and he picked different songs for us to listen to. One of the songs was Young American by David Bowie. Graham asked me why it was one of my favorite songs- i told him because I had good memories of listening to that song. He asked me about the memories- I told them they were from college when Isamu was still alive. He then asked me how Isamu died. We talked about it in length- up until the day of his death and how I found out he had actually died. Graham said ‘that’s sad’ and I agreed. Then we talked about Kim and how he died. Graham always knew that Uncle Kim died- but up until now he didn’t know how or why. It was a pretty deep conversation for a little boy.

When we got to camp we started setting up the tent and and all. We got the tent pitched and were working on the bedding when the boys started riding in. It was so awesome to see them on their bikes. They were so tired- 13 miles is quite a ride. We fed them and then they set up camp- away from the adults. After a few hours of just hanging out the older scouts started stations where they taught the younger boys different things in preparation for the big Camporee coming up. After that the boys went for a hike and Graham and i played some cards and then headed for a walk to the beach. It was SO beautiful. We sat in the sand and watched some guys fly fish for awhile. It was my most favorite part of the weekend.

We headed back to camp and the boys started cooking dinner- and Mick and G and I headed over to the adult camp where they had made a pot roast in a dutch oven. We had a taste then decided Mick’s steaks sounded much better. Thomas patrol made spaghetti, green beans, and garlic bread. Graham made Ramen noodles and ate it in his mess kit. We all just hung out and visited for awhile- then the troop had campfire where each of the patrols had to come up with 2 skits and a song. We all enjoyed it and laughed a lot. Then we ‘retired’ 3 flags over the fire. We ended the night with Vespers. It was so cool. We were all pretty tired and headed to bed then. It was pretty cold but my new mummy sleeping bag kept me so warm and snugly. I think it took Graham all of 7 minutes to fall asleep.

The next morning we woke up around 7:30am and had breakfast. Mick cooked eggs and bacon for us. We broke down camp then and started getting ready to head out. The scouts headed off to chapel and Graham and I roasted marshmallows and made mid morning smores since we didn’t get to the night before. We left shortly after and followed the boys on bikes for a bit. Mick was the only adult left to lead the boys on bikes. It was a bit nerve racking for him- but he did a really good job and everyone made it back- and safely!

We ended the night by going to Calamity Jane’s for dinner. It was awesome and one of the best weekends.

Graham started a blog- he said he might blog his experience.

More later-
T

Today was a day that I really needed. The morning started off with some good news (via text) from someone whose been in need of some good news for awhile and she finally got it today. Then Uncle Buddy came over and we chatted for a bit, he looked at my bathroom which I’m painting and putting in new fixtures. Then we headed to the boys’ school for Special Person’s Day. He’s such a good sport. We arrived on time and went to Graham’s classroom and then went to lunch with Graham. We looked at the school lunch and opted to have something else later. (even though the school ordered some sort of ….. chicken????…. it still looked scary. It was round with a bone all the way through it. So, really, I’m not sure which part of the chicken it was.) We hung out with Graham for a bit then went to Thomas class room and watched a movie that he edited and directed. It was really good-. It was called “The Case of The Run Away Appetite”. He and his friends did an amazing job on it. Then Buddy and I went outside for part of Graham’s recess. After awhile we decided to go- since the event was almost over. We headed to Quizno’s and got some REAL food- then headed off to Eddie Bauer to do some shopping for him. (i have a friend that works there and she gives me her discount). As soon as we got to the store the giggles started. This is something that usually happens when Buddy and I are together. We both have sick humor and just feed off of each other. So at this point in my long story I should back up to a few months ago when Graham and I took Uncle Buddy to dinner one night. We were at a nice sushi house and the waitress had just brought a hot pot of green tea to us. Buddy went to grab the pot to pour some tea and I grabbed it and said “it’s bad luck to pour your own tea” So he nodded and let me have the pot to pour him some tea. Well, i got the giggles and as I poured it I accidently poured it all over his hand- and then we started laughing even harder and it just kept spilling all over the table and i couldn’t stop pouring or laughing. So that became the joke of the night. SO back to today….. After an hour of giggling and shopping we decided to pay and go. While up at the register I noticed a camping table that I’d been eyeing the whole time there- but I just was not ready to part with the money for it. Uncle Buddy surprised me and got it for me for an early Mother’s Day gift. I was so touched. I hadn’t even told him about my sadness regarding that day. He’s just very thoughtful. On the way home we started laughing again- this time about the gym and how we pedal like crazy on the bike and you only burn 8 calories. He decided he wanted coffee so I took a very sharp turn to exit the highway- kind of a last minute thing. He then joked that me driving increased his heart rate more than working out at the gym and that when he got out of the car his pants would be so loose that they’d fall off. When we got our coffee I handed it to him and he said ‘oh no- it’s bad luck to have someone hand you a cup of coffee” and we both went into hysterics. We giggled the entire way home…. I love spending time with Uncle Buddy.

After school I picked up the boys and we ventured to the store to get stuff for our Boy Scout camping trip tomorrow. Thomas was responsible for getting all the food for his ‘troop’ but he was on a tight budget. I think it was a good lesson in that he saw that $20 doesn’t go very far and it helps to look at the prices. I was so proud of him. His total was $19.80. WHOOO HOOO.

Graham is so excited for tomorrow. He LOVES going on adventures as long as he can take his stuffed turtle with him. His reading teacher recommended him for TAG – but I declined- but that’s a WHOLE other story that I don’t want to think about today. I’m gonna savor feeling happy from my Buddy kind of a day.
T

It’s already May. Wasn’t it just Christmas?

There are several reasons why I like May. Well, I like the beginning because it means summer vacation is around the corner. I like the end because it’s Graham’s birthday and we always have a big party outside for him. I don’t, however, enjoy the middle. There are 3 reasons why-well 3 dates that just make me really sad. Isamu’s birthday, the day Kim died, and Mother’s Day.

It’s like clockwork-the beginning of May every year since Isamu died, the dreams start up and i feel that sadness in my heart. For some reason this year it’s much stronger. I’ve had several dreams that he is still alive-and happy and well and we are laughing just like we used to. And then when I wake up and I open my eyes to the sad realization that he is not. And he hasn’t been for several years. So why is this year so different? Why do I miss him so much now? Shouldn’t I be used to thinking of him in the past tense instead of still really missing him in the present? I used to think that his birthday was a ‘celebration’ of his life. I don’t have that optimism this year. I can’t focus on his life right now when it’s his death that I’m feeling so strongly.

Kim’s death, in so many ways still seems like some sort of ‘story’ and not real. I think it’s because he wasn’t a part of my everyday life so for me, thinking of him now is like thinking of him the way I used to when he was alive. He is ‘there’ and we are here. His ‘there’ is just another place now. I know it will be harder when we are ‘there’ – Iowa ‘there’. It was the last time we were there. It was like going through the motions but not really being present. I don’t know how to explain it. Sad. There.

Mother’s Day… wow… where do I even begin with this one and do I even want to. I LOVE being a mom. It is the best thing I do and have done in my entire life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Thomas and Graham are the highlights of my life. I love being their mom. I think I do it well. I love my mom so very much and I honor her on this day. I appreciate her more and more every year- as my kids get older and I learn to understand what parents go through for their children. She was a very young mom and in many ways was robbed of her own youth. But she did the best she could and my sister and I are who we are today because of her. I get her little presents through out the year so that on Mother’s Day i can send her several little thoughtful gifts. Most of them are home made but she loves them just the same. So those are all the good things about Mother’s Day. And the bad…. well, they are just that- bad. They shouldn’t exist- sadly, they do. You’d think that since the best thing in my life are my babies, that Mother’s Day would be…. I guess just different. Anyway. Isamu’s birthday falls on Mother’s Day this year.

On a happier note- since this blog is pretty depressing…. my boys are just so sweet. My dad told me tonight that they asked him to buy me a Mother’s Day gift this year. He asked what they wanted to get me and Graham said ‘a Mustang’. Thomas said ‘ a tent’. Apparently, I’m getting the tent! And I’m so very happy with that. They are amazing boys.

Tomorrow is special person’s day at the boys school. Uncle Buddy is coming along AGAIN. He’s such a good sport. He acts surprised when the boys show him around the school- and show him all the different classrooms (that he’s seen several times before). He eats the yucky school lunch with them and even sits on those awful benches that are not made for adults. He’s a good guy. We love our Uncle Buddy.

Well, i need to finish cleaning the house.
T

So what have I been up to since the last time I blogged? Hmm Last weekend I went to camp with T. It was supposed to be sleep over camp but somehow the plans got screwed up and Ts’ patrol had to commute daily. It was ok. The drive was absolutely beautiful. Friday, G and I took T and a few friends to camp. After we dropped them off G and I went to the store and got popsicles- cause it was just that kind of an evening. We opened the box before we even got out to the store and were on seconds when we got into the car. (sugar free popsicles aren’t so bad). The weekend was just a lot of fun. T talked me into climbing on the monkey bridge that they made. I was one of the only adults to cross it and that gave me major cool points with the boys. ha ha

So that pesky 1/2 pound I couldn’t get rid off is GONE plus it’s 6 little other friends. Ah it’s nice to see that scale moving again. i can’t really say it’s ‘will power’ I just don’t really get a thrill out of eating anymore. In fact if I could take a pill to fill me up, I would.

My fellow art students had the ‘war’ art show. I heard it was just amazing. Made me warm and fuzzy inside to hear about the paintings and when my friend told me about he had such contagious passion for it. I’m going to go and see it sometime next week. I had another dream last night that I was in art school and painting. I had a ‘boss’ who was paying me to paint and he said something to me about loving my abstract art- and I said ‘it’s not only what i do, it’s who i am.” dreams are crazy sometimes.

T is going through a bunch of stupid issues with this girl at his school. Her mother is the irrational person I referred to in my last blog. I know it’s a lesson he has to learn and I have to learn to let him learn it on his own. it’s just so hard and I’m just so done with the stupid games she plays and the lies her mother believes. Makes me appreciate caller ID and pain killers.

We are going camping again this weekend. T has a 13 mile bike ride that he and Mick are going on. G and I are ‘riding’ the Scion and carrying gear and scouts that poop out on the way. I’m excited.

well my old man just got home.
T