Salt of the Earth

Ok, so we had free HBO/CInnamax this weekend so we recorded a bunch of shows on our Tivo. SInce it’s the first weekend of spring break AND Easter weekend we watched a lot movie. The first was yesterday and that was Blades of Glory. I don’t think I would have ever watched this movie had it not been on tv and free but it turned out to be REALLY funny and entertaining. The next was Little Ms. Sunshine. VERY good movie. It made us laugh and it was also very touching. The dance at the very end was hilarious and as soon as Olive mentioned her grandpa showed her the ‘moves’ I knew what was gonna happen. WE just finished 300. WOW WOW and WOW. What an incredible film. Must see.

We also have these to watch:
United 93
Blood Diamonds
Lady in the Water
Lake House
Devil Wears Prada
The Fountain
Pan’s Labyrinth
THe Break Up
The Fountain

Anyone see any of these?

Tina

Four years ago i sat in a Catholic church watching my cousin marry his wife. Prior to the wedding I hadn’t been in a church for a very long time due to my skepticism about religion and what not. I was in a transitional place then. Questioning many areas of my life. As I sat and listened to the priest go on and on about marriage, love, and religion it all sounded monotonous until he talked about commitment. He said that you don’t marry for love you marry for commitment because eventually love fades and commitment is what you have left. At first I thought that was the worst thing someone could say to a young couple embarking on this ‘life time’ journey together. It made no sense to me and the romantic inside of me fought this idea and belief that in the end, all marriage is about is a matter of will. Since then many people I know have divorced. I watched many of them fall in love, marry, have children and then fall apart. Some of them were very unpredictable and some were just so obvious. In many, one person just got tired of being treated a certain way and left for something ‘better’. Many tried their hardest to mend the relationship but in the end they just couldn’t forgive or change the other person enough to like them again. When you are young you are optimistic and have hope that in the end there is a sunset to walk off into hand in hand. I think as you get older you mature and you realize that this is just something we were told at bed time in the form of a fairy tale to make us go to sleep faster. I don’t want to say that i DON’T believe in this proverbial ‘sunset’. I think it’s way more complicated than that. Since the dissolving of these marriage and experiences I’ve contemplated many times why it is that some people do bad things to the people they are supposed to love, cherish, etc… for better or for worse, til death do you part. What makes these people think it’s ok to hurt people, to not care that they are hurting people and then to act surprised when the people they hurt get hurt? Commitment? Because they signed a paper in front of God and family and friends and possibly a lot of people they don’t even talk to anymore? I’m reminded of that old Pavlov’s theory of “conditional reflexes” (— i.e., reflex responses, like salivation, that only occurred conditionally upon specific previous experiences of the animal.) You know- the whole ring a bell, dog salivates because he associates that with being fed. I think the same can be said in the negative- you kick a dog away from the table long enough and hard and even the most loyal dog will stop coming around. Maybe it’s human nature for people to hurt each other. i don’t know….. When do you draw that line between commitment and standing up for your self? When does commitment give someone else the license to belittle, judge, unfairly compare? None of this was covered at the wedding so i don’t really have the answer. All I know is that as humans we all have a breaking point. I have seen several people ‘break’. The thing that has shocked me the most though is that when the one person reaches their breaking point-more times than not the person who was doing the breaking is shocked. Shocked that the person is gone. Shocked that the person had enough. Shocked that their actions produced such a consequence as someone leaving them as a result of of their bad behavior. So where am I going with all of this? That’s a good questions. Just be nice. Cherish what you have. Appreciate what you have every single day.

T

I am painting again. yeah!!! I am so happy about that. After I saw my painting teacher on Friday I got out my paints and have been going paint crazy. I am in such a happy place when I am painting and it makes me wonder why and how I ever stopped. I have to keep it in my life. No matter what. I have deep thoughts when I paint. My dreams are more vivid. I see things differently. I appreciate color more. The little things matter less. I almost feel invincible. *almost*

Spring break started today for Graham (yesterday for Thomas). Thomas and I spent the day together. Went and had lunch with Mick at the Hawaiian Cafe. Thomas and I laughed and had a really good time. I really appreciate days like today.

I am ready for summer. Ready for nice, sunny weather, flip flops, and drinks by the pool.

well that’s it for me.
T

Today Thomas’ competed at my old college. He was amazing. After his orchestra played they got an immediate critique from the judges. She pointed out every sections and told them what they did wrong and how they could improve. Before she got to the bass section I whispered to Graham ‘ if she says anything bad about Thomas I’m gonna go over there and kick her in the shins.’ We both chuckled. She did not say one word bad about Thomas and the other bass player- because they were perfect. 100 percent perfect.
Afterwards I talked to Thomas bass teacher and he thanked me for being so supportive of Thomas and told me I was his favorite orchestra mom cause I didn’t complain or yell. I told him he hadn’t given me reason to yet! He then brought up the time when Thomas was first learning to play the bass and i would bring Thomas to lessons. Graham and I would sit out side the door and play UNO or read during the lesson because we never knew how long it would be and Thomas wasn’t familiar with the jr. high then (he was still in elementary school). I remember my physical Therapist getting so mad at me for sitting on the floor and he could always tell when I had done it. (that was soon after I broke my tail bone) . Thomas’ teacher thought it was cool that I never complained and that I always just hung out and always had Thomas there on time and for every lesson. I shrugged because I can’t imagine it being any other way. It’s just kind of nice hearing it sometimes.

I visited my painting teacher today. God i so miss her class, being on campus, doing art being in a ‘happy little place’.

Graham didn’t have school today so we spent the day together. He makes me laugh so hard sometimes cause he’s so silly. I love it.

It’s Friday. This week is over. I am glad.
Tina

Wow it’s been forever since I’ve blogged. I always intend to- but by the end of the day I’m beat.

Anyway, today I took Graham’s TAG (talent and gifted) class to OMSI. (Oregon Museum of Science Industries). Usually if the bus ride is going to be longer than 15 minutes I drive- due to my propensity to get car sick. If I don’t drive I take motion sickness tablets and ginger and pack a bag of crackers so that i can constantly munch on them so i don’t puke. SO when Graham’s asked me to ride the bus I immediately said no (due to the distance). He said “please.’ I said ‘no’. He said “PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSE?” I said ‘NOOOOOO” Then he told me that he REALLY wanted me to ride the bus with him and it would mean so much to him and then i said ‘oh, ok.’ So it took a whole 7 minutes on the bus to realize not only that I forgot to take motion sickness pills- but i forgot my bag of crackers and I was feeling very queasy. I had a couple of those moments where it was like ‘oh i’m gonna barf. No wait, i”m ok. Oh I’m gonna barf. Nope, i’m good. OOOOOO I’m gonna barf.’ It took about 15 minutes of walking around for my stomach to settle down. The ride home proved to be pretty much the same. I had to wait in the office at the school for 15 minutes before I could get into my car. UGH I hate that feeling….

The big exciting news here is that Thomas is competing tomorrow with his orchestra at my old college. I’m VERY excited. His teacher gave him a solo to work on. It’s so amazing to watch his confidence grow.

Graham is doing well in school and in his TAG program. He has been cooking a lot in his Queazy Bake Oven. It’s very sweet really. He wants to share all his creations with me which i love.

I am totally in love with our kittens. Rory got out on Valentine’s Day. She came home 3 days later. Graham and I made flyers and talked to the neighbors. I was sure she was a goner but she came home. I was SO happy. So was Graham. She adores Graham. Butters is a little stinker. He is always getting into trouble. He knocks the water bottle over and spills water ALL over my bathroom. He terrorizes my frog. He jumps on the counter. He sharpens his claws on my furniture…. But all it takes is one little blinky look with his golden eyes and I am a goner. Baby Elvis looks all innocent but he’s not. He still follows Thomas around like a puppy and only lets Thomas love on him and hold him. He’ll come up to me for 30 seconds of love if Thomas isn’t home. But if Thomas is home- I don’t exist.

I’m off to bed. I’m very tired.
maybe more tomorrow.
T